Well... Here We Go Again.

Well...

I'm updating my website.

Again.

At this point, I'm starting to think my website is less of a finished project and more of a long-term hobby.

Every time I think, "Yep, this is it. I'm finally done," my brain immediately says, "But what if we moved everything around and started over?"

It's exhausting.

For everyone involved.

But honestly... I kind of love it.

I'm trying to put a little more into Hope & Hustle Co. because I really believe in what I'm building. One of the things I wanted to commit to was writing here. I actually really enjoy writing. It gives all the thoughts bouncing around in my brain somewhere to go besides keeping me awake at night. So... welcome to my diary. Fair warning... I have no idea what I'm doing, but that hasn't stopped me yet.

Life has been busy.

I just wrapped up my summer classes and officially earned my very first college degree... my associate's degree.

Only took me about twenty years.

Seriously.

I started taking college classes while I was still in high school, so this degree has been a very long time coming. Somewhere along the way, life happened. Addiction happened. I spent nearly twenty years in active addiction, and honestly, I never thought I'd make it back to school.

When I finally did, I was fully prepared to struggle.

Instead, I've completely surprised myself.

My brain still works!!

And I've loved being a student again. I've done really well academically, made the President's List, and discovered that I actually enjoy learning. It's become such a big part of the life I've worked so hard to build in recovery.

So naturally...

Life decided to humble me.

I applied to transition from GSU's Perimeter College to their Atlanta campus, and it took about two months for me to be accepted. The process was already nerve-racking because I had to disclose my entire criminal record (again). Everything on it is old, everything is a misdemeanor, and none of it reflects the life I live today... but when you have to write it all down in one place, it still doesn’t exactly make for a glowing first impression.

So, when I finally received the notice that my transition had been approved, I felt relieved. I thought the hardest part was behind me.

Today was supposed to be easy.

Log in.

Register for classes.

Move on with my life.

Instead, I logged in and found out I still needed to submit a separate application for the Bachelor of Social Work program.

I thought I already had.

Turns out... I did not.

And the deadline was July 1.

Cue the internal panic attack.

I've been emailing people trying to figure out who my advisor even is. I haven't heard anything back. I called and sat on hold for twenty-three minutes. It kind of feels like every time I get over one hurdle, another one appears just to keep things interesting.

Eventually, I finally got someone on the phone.

I explained that I really can't take a semester off. School has become such a huge part of my routine and my recovery. It gives me purpose, structure, and something to keep working toward. Disrupting that momentum honestly scares me.

He told me there were no promises, but he asked me to send him an email explaining my situation. He said he was going to try really hard to help.

So... now I wait.

This definitely wasn't how I expected today to go.

But recovery has taught me something I have to remind myself of over and over again:

There are things I can control.

And there are things I can't.

I can't change the fact that I missed the deadline.

I can't force someone to make an exception for me.

What I can do is tell the truth, take responsibility, ask for help, and trust that whatever happens, I'll figure it out.

Am I still completely mortified that I somehow dropped the ball?

Yes. Absolutely. Definitely. 100%.

Honestly, I still can't believe it happened. I take a lot of pride in being responsible these days. Staying organized. Following through. Showing up. That's become part of who I am, which is why this one stings so much.

But I also know beating myself up isn't going to change the outcome.

So if you happen to pray...

I'd really appreciate one.

Hopefully, this works out, because I'd really hate to take a semester off.

I already did that once...

It just happened to last twenty years.

Thanks for following along while I figure all of this out.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a website to redesign.

Again.